


Kiss, Marry, Kill

by QueermoDelToro



Series: Fun & Games [1]
Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Banter, Best Friends, Canon Compliant, Canon complaint up to season 3, Comedy, Coming of Age, Dialogue Heavy, Dustin Henderson is a Good Friend, Friendship, Gay Will Byers, Gen, Good Babysitter Steve Harrington, Happy, Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Internal Conflict, Lucas Sinclair Is a Good Friend, M/M, Mike Wheeler is a good friend, Near Future, Party Games, Platonic Relationships, Possibly Asexual Will Byers, Robin Buckley is mentioned, Set After Season 3, Very mild gay panic, What we will not do is ship Steve with children, Will Byers Deserves Love, Will Byers Gets a Break, Will Byers-centric, kids being kids
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-25
Updated: 2019-08-25
Packaged: 2020-09-26 11:38:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,434
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20389090
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueermoDelToro/pseuds/QueermoDelToro
Summary: The kids play Kiss, Marry, Kill. Dustin instigates. Mike overreacts. Hilarity ensues.





	Kiss, Marry, Kill

**Author's Note:**

> A few weeks ago I was like, "I don't even go here," and now I practically live in the Gay Will Byers tag. Go figure.
> 
> I don't actually know if kiss, marry, kill existed in the 80s but I couldn't get this idea out of my head. I'm obsessed with the kids experiencing normal life and Will getting every ounce of acceptance and love he deserves.
> 
> I very much see Will as questioning-with-gay-leanings but I also read him as questioning-Ace at times, which is why I tagged it as both.

_Thanksgiving Weekend, 1985._

Will wonders whose idea it was to play Kiss, Marry, Kill in the first place. They all sit around the couch in Mike's basement, two boxes of pizza laying open between them, and the sweat from Will's palms soaks through his Levi's. El, who struggles to understand the rules even after the boys and Max have explained them a few times already, stares at Will with her mouth pursed for well over a minute and a half. "Wait, wait, wait! I have an idea." Dustin leans over to whisper in El's ear. She covers her mouth as she giggles, then nods when Dustin is finished. Will does not have a good feeling about this. "Options are Mike, Lucas, and Steve."

Will looks to Dustin with the dead eyes, because REALLY? It's been months since he confirmed he doesn't like girls. Mostly the Party has stayed silent but now it's clear they all assume he likes guys. Which is...fine, he guesses, especially after learning about Robin via Dustin who inadvertently heard it from Steve, but the truth is that Will doesn't even really know what he likes yet.

The Party stares at Will as he mulls over his decision. He knows he should say he wants to marry Mike, because Mike is the most obvious choice in his head, but he doesn't want Mike to feel weird about that implication. He doesn't want anyone to feel weird. Shit, everyone's going to feel weird. Except maybe Dustin who has zero chill and loves when people squirm. Will wishes he could disappear. He'd prefer that to playing this stupid game.

Besides, to make Will choose between his best friends and Steve is kind of bullshit. Steve is the best Mom in town. Anyone would be lucky to have his kids.

Will closes his eyes as he speaks.

"Kiss Lucas, marry Steve, kill Mike." 

"No way, dude, I'm marrying Steve!" Dustin says at the same time Mike cries, "What? Kill me? You would KILL ME? That's cold. Why wouldn't you marry me? Why wouldn't you kill Lucas or Steve?"

Mike furrows his eyebrows and clenches his jaw in the way he sometimes does when he's righteously offended or pissed off.

"I would kiss Lucas because he looks like he has soft lips." Will looks to Max, who nods enthusiastically. Her eyes are bright and cheeks flushed. Then he turns to Mike and claps him on the shoulder. "No offense, Mike, but yours are always chapped. And I would marry Steve because he's already proven himself capable of being a good parent."

"You're a total homewrecker, Will. I swear. You knew I was going to marry Steve!"

"Oh sure, right, of course. Because I can read your mind. Who would you pick, then?"

"Honestly?" Dustin leans back in his chair and grins. "Probably the same as you."

Will wants to point out that Dustin can't make the same choices as him, but Mike scoffs and throws his hands in the air. "EVERYONE'S TRYING TO KILL ME? What did I do? I don't even know what I did. Why are you all trying to kill me?"

"Sorry, dude. Steve would be a _really_ good parent and Lucas has skin like it was spun from the finest silk."

"I can't believe this!"

"I would kiss you, Mike," El says in an attempt to appease Mike's ego. She watches everyone in the room with wide eyes. There are A LOT of different facial features to sort through right now.

"No! No, that doesn't count because you've already kissed me. That's bogus. It goes against the game."

"Why don't you do it, then?" Dustin thinks he is clever in a way no one else does, stirring the pot like this. Mischief blazes in his retinas. "Kiss, Marry, Kill. Options are Lucas, Will, and Steve." 

Lucas, who sits in silence with his shirt pulled up to his eyes to hide the way his cheeks burn like they've been slathered with lighter fluid and set to flaming charcoal, grunts.

"Well OBVIOUSLY I'm going to marry Will because he's my BEST FRIEND." The look Mike throws Will is dark enough to cause an eclipse. Will hides his face in the arm of the couch. He wants to look remorseful but can't help laughing. Mike ignores Will and continues ticking the reasons off on his finger to emphasize each point. "And then I'm going to kiss Steve because he's an older gentleman who might be able to show me a few tricks. Which I guess I need because none of you dweebs wants to kiss me. Then I'm going to kill Lucas to get rid of his stupid soft skin."

Lucas pulls his head out of his shirt like a turtle coming out of its shell just as the threat of danger ceases. "I wish you would all kill me so I don't have to listen to you guys talk about my skin anymore."

"Okay but that's your own fault, Johnson and Johnson," Mike says. "We didn't force you to have soft skin."

Lucas splutters as everyone else grins and jeers.

"It's your turn, anyway." Mike gives Lucas a pointed look, eyes screaming that he better make the right call. "Choose your position. Your fighters are Steve, Will, and Me."

"I would kiss you so you'll shut the hell up about no one wanting to kiss you, marry Steve, and kill Will only because I can't kill you."

Dustin looks positively joyous at the uproar he's incited. 

"We can't ALL marry Steve, guys."

"Why not?" Mike says. "We'll move to Utah. I'll be married to Will but I'll also be dead so it shouldn't pose a problem."

"What if...you kiss Mike, marry Mike, THEN kill Mike?"

Mike turns to El with a hurt expression. "You want to kill me too? Great! Just great. Is that the theme for tonight?"

"She has a point, though." Lucas nods to El and shakes his finger as if trying to touch her idea and mold it into his own. "You'll get all the action you want and then die a happy man. And then whoever marries you can collect your life insurance. It's a win for everyone involved."

"Life insuran--? Gee, thanks, that makes me feel a LOT better."

Just as Mike opens his mouth to continue his tirade, Steve busts into Mike's basement with an armful of pop and expired candy from Family Video. One of the perks of Steve working at the video store is that he scores free rentals and food for them on the weekends, especially on occasions where Will and El visit. "Alright twerps, I brought the new Voorhees flick like you asked. Robin thinks I'm a creep for letting you watch it, but I told her I would cover your eyes at the grody parts. Don't ever say I never did anything for you," Steve says as he clambers down the steps. "What're you up to?"

Everyone pauses for a good thirty seconds, gawping like they've been caught in the middle of planning a murder, before Dustin decides to pipe in. He has no problem being the designated mouthpiece of the group. He also has no shame, which makes it easier on everyone involved.

"We've decided we're all moving to Utah to marry you."

"Oh...kay." Steve blinks, clutching the goods like a lifeline at the base of the stairs. He looks as though he can't decide between bolting or staying the course. "Well...you're all way too young for me but it's good to dream big." Then he climbs over the back of the couch to sit between Will and El and tosses the snacks into the pool of uneaten Halloween junk Dustin brought.

Will leans back in his spot and watches his friends. A rush of warmth climbs up his ribcage and nestles in the base of his throat. It curls around his shoulders and shrouds him in golden sublimity. For what started out to be a game he dreaded, it has turned into the most entertaining and enlightening part of his night. Not too long ago, he would never have imagined this conversation, not even in his wildest dreams. To be so open. To hear Mike say he would marry Will, to hear Dustin argue about having dibs on Steve, to hear Lucas reason his way through having to kiss Mike. To know that his friends would not care if he were to come home one day and declare that he wanted to marry another man. It feels like home to Will. These people feel like home.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first attempt at comedy! Semi-beta'd because I forced my sister to proof-read. All mistakes are my own.


End file.
